So I was reading some Peace Corps blogs today, as I do everyday, when I realized this blog reading has become a dirty little secret. Whenever my roommate/best friend/soul mate/sister, Nida, leaves to go run errands or buy groceries, I stealthily tiptoe to my laptop and commence reading as many blogs as I can before she returns. As I hear her fumble for her keys in front of our apartment, I close the laptop and resume doing what I was doing before she left. She is fooled and once again I get to read to the blogs without her calling me obsessed or a dork, both of which I am. But all of that is besides the point…what I was trying to say was that I have more questions after reading the blogs than answers.
Many people I know suggest reading up on other’s experiences to prepare for mine in South Africa. And I, being a woman of a curious nature, take the advice and read up on how everyone is doing in PC SA. I am so grateful to be given this opportunity to do this, not only by the PC, but also by my circumstances. Let me elaborate. I was talking with a co-worker a few days ago who is one of my favorite co-workers and who I think is very insightful. She said that even if she wanted to do the PC, she could not. I replied that of course she could do it, she has so much of what the PC is looking for already. Then, she explained that even if she got accepted, who would pay her bills. Sure rent, food, insurance, and other expenses needed to live in Richmond would be taken care because she could not be living here and student loans can be deferred, but what about credit cards? She is not in debt because of her love for fancy appliances or because she has a fetish for expensive clothes or chocolates, because that is not the case. Instead, she has had to use the cards to pay for school, food, rent, and just daily living. She also works full time and is very frugal. However, entirely supporting oneself through school without a scholarship or help from parents has put her in a position where she cannot just up and leave like I can. Not to say that I have never had bills, I have bought a car, insurance, and the money from my parents helps a tremendous amount, but food and living expenses still cost more than I am willing to ask for.
I guess I thought that everyone who was single and without an extravagant lifestyle could follow any dream as easily as I am able to leave my home in pursuit of another. I was ignorant and now I am even more grateful for what I have been given. I have not had everything handed to me on a silver platter; I work hard, very hard. However, I have been given so much opportunity to make decisions that make me happy and allow me to pursue living the life I choose to. My parents are the ones that I am the most grateful to for this and they have inspired me do work hard to be able to do the same for my kids, if I ever have them, in the future.
With that said, I would like to address one simple question that I am getting asked a lot. When people ask me about Africa, they generally ask me what I am going to do afterwards. The question is fairly clear, but the answer is much more ambiguous. The answer is, I have no idea. I have not idea what I am going to do when I come back. Sure, I can go back to school and get a masters or go to nursing school or go to law school or get a job in psychology or work in the pharmacy or join the foreign service or do Teach for American or become a bum or get married or win the lottery or do a million other things. However, I have a general feeling that my Peace Corps service is not just a stop on the road to getting where I want to be, because I do not even know where that is yet. PC South Africa is not just “two-years off” or a vacation. I am not running away and I am not going to find myself. I know where I am, so why would I need to go looking for me? I know who I am and I know that this is not exactly who I want to be, but I am a work in progress that will not be finished until I die. I am here for now and will be some where else soon, all the time consciously aware that I am not lost. J.R.R. Tolkien once wrote that “not all who wander are lost”. Maybe PC will be two years of my life that I will extend to make a career out of. Or maybe I will return home in 27 months and join Teach for America for another 24 months and then do something different for another two years. As you can see, there is a lot of “ORs” in there. There is no need to settle.
It seems rational enough to believe that I will “settle down” eventually. Maybe I will come back to the US in 27 months and get a job and go to school and get married and have kids. Maybe I will, or maybe I won’t. The PC South Africa experience is not just two years, it will propel me to the next phase in my life rather than means I am in one place for years at a time or just months. This “lack of stability” is exactly what I need to have the courage to take risks in order to make great things happen. When good people accept the stability of their lives, they become comfortable many times to just stay there. After a while, life gets boring and repetitive. People can become disillusioned with the stability and yet they remain too comfortable to make a move. I just don’t want that and so the answer to the question is that I have no clue what I am doing when/if I return in 27 months, but I know it will be great.
